


Peter Parker and the infinite sadness

by Marshmallowmachinegun



Category: Deadpool - All Media Types, Spider-Man - All Media Types, Spider-Man/Deadpool - Joe Kelly (Comics)
Genre: Alternate Universe - After College/University, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Angst and Humor, Bottom Wade Wilson, Car Sex, Complicated Relationships, Consent Issues, Drug Dealing, Drug Use, Drunk Sex, First Time, Fluff and Angst, Gangs, He is still a baby, Inspired by Kevin Smith movies, Inspired by Music, Loss of Virginity, M/M, Meet-Cute, Older Peter, One-Sided Attraction, Past Relationship(s), Platonic cablepool, Pop Culture, Protective Nate Summers, Recreational Drug Use, Road Trips, Running Away, Tattoos, Top Peter Parker, Wade Wilson Needs A Hug, Wade lies about his age, Younger Wade, biker culture, playing fast and loose with canon, punk Wade Wilson
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-11
Updated: 2017-01-11
Packaged: 2018-09-16 19:47:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,242
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9287192
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Marshmallowmachinegun/pseuds/Marshmallowmachinegun
Summary: "Weren't mid-life crises supposed to happen at...you know, mid-life?Then why was Peter Parker, all of twenty-six, currently driving with reckless abandon down the highway in the wee hours of the morning? He had blown all of his meager savings on a barely running Winnebago, rounded up everyone he could convince to go with him (one person, Johnny Storm, whose impulse control was worse than his own, agreed to tag along) and there he was, hundreds of miles from NYC and feeling the iron shackles that had grasped him since freshman year finally fall away."Peter has a post graduation freak out and decides running away on a cross-country road trip was the best course of action. He meets a hot punk guy on the way so maybe it was a good idea after all?





	

**Author's Note:**

> Chapter songs:
> 
> Weezer-Perfect Situation  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=H3PYYjgyD9M
> 
> Foo Fighters- Learn To Fly  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HJMLLKgknvk
> 
> Eels- Fresh Blood  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EKkM3tV657k
> 
> Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds - Skeleton Tree  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7tfTBtpR0E
> 
> Gin Blossoms- Hey Jealousy  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDjbg-WDimc

Weren't mid-life crises supposed to happen at...you know, mid-life?

 

Then why was Peter Parker, all of twenty-six, currently driving with reckless abandon down the highway in the wee hours of the morning? He had blown all of his meager savings on a barely running [Winnebago](http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zIdNVXDPV88/VRk8jeKUs_I/AAAAAAAA3W4/S_LbkLbnMVw/s1600/1982-Winnebago-Itasca-Sun-Cruiser-Motorhome-project.jpg), rounded up everyone he could convince to go with him (one person, Johnny Storm, whose impulse control was worse than his own, agreed to tag along) and there he was, hundreds of miles from NYC and feeling the iron shackles that had grasped him since freshman year finally fall away.

 

His fellow passenger was fast asleep, he hated driving the unwieldy vehicle, so Peter had agreed to do most of the driving so long as Johnny kept him from getting lost.

 

Truth be told neither man knew exactly _where_ they were going, they were just kind of...going. Johnny had suggested the Grand Canyon, and Peter agreed simply because having a destination made this whole mental breakdown-fueled treck cross country seem less insane.

 

Peter rubbed his bleary eyes, Johnny had been trying to get him to pull over and sleep for several hours now. But Peter was terrified of stopping, he felt as if he didn't put enough distance between himself and New York, he would get sucked backwards like a planet into a black hole.

 

Johnny had simply given up and fallen asleep around dawn, promising that he would wake up after a quick power nap. His alarm had gone off an hour later as promised, yet as soon as he heard the obnoxious ringing, Peter shut it off.

 

He loved Johnny, he truly did, but he wanted to be alone for a while.

 

Early-morning traffic had begun to populate the I-78, and the combination of fatigue, anxiety, and irritation made it difficult to concentrate on the road. Rest stops peppered the interstate, advertising everything one could imagine needing; ice-cold drinks and all sorts of convenience food under the sun. Peter had been passing the time by counting the McDonald's signs, but that had quickly become depressing after the one-hundredth sign, glowing sickly yellow like a bug zapper.

 

While most of them looked almost like strip malls or miniature shopping centers, others looked a bit more...rustic. Rusting metal signs and overgrown lots in place of carefully placed tulips and happy little lawn ornaments.

 

Peter wasn't in the mood to deal with a large crowd, but he didn't want to be murdered either. So he had to pick the middle ground it seemed.

 

Eventually, he grew sick of playing eeny meeny miny moe and pulled into a nearly abandoned [gas station](http://www.roadarch.com/12/7/hess.jpg). It wasn't ideal, as this place was still a bit on the sketchy side, but the winking neon sign promised coffee, and to Peter that sounded like heaven right now.

 

He parked as neatly as he cared to, because he truly did not give a shit about staying in the lines right now. If he got a ticket, so be it. He wouldn't be in New Jersey for much longer anyway.

 

Peter thumped his forehead on the steering wheel, and not for the first time struggled to piece together what his life had become over the last few years. He had graduated high school (salutatorian, he would forever be haunted by how close he came to valedictorian) and graduated college (Magna Cum Laude, and again he would be haunted forever by that feeling of just not good enough.) All of this happened so quickly, it felt as if he had fallen off of a cliff and he was running in mid-air, Will E coyote style with his feet going nowhere.

 

He was supposed to be an _adult_. And adults live life, right? They get jobs, get married, have kids...But Peter had been struggling with step _one_. After graduation, he had worked almost every odd job one could imagine. He ultimately wound up a newspaper photographer. A two-bit gig that paid peanuts (honestly Peter would take the peanuts, considering that he sometimes didn't have money for food.)

 

He just didn't get it, why was he struggling so much? Everyone else seemed to be doing just fine and dandy, yet he was still stranded in the dust. Where had he gone wrong? Why couldn't he _go forward_?

 

And of course, instead of chipping away at the boulder that was his student loans, he bought a fucking Winnebago and was going God knows where.

 

Yet it was still better than what he had left behind.

 

Making his way to the [pull out couch](https://i.ytimg.com/vi/YQw9zTu8AfM/maxresdefault.jpg) where Johnny had fallen asleep, he shook his friend's shoulder as gently as he could, wondering if he should just let his friend sleep. The poor guy had been with Peter throughout this whole fiasco, the least Peter could do was let him be.

 

He was about to turn away, leave Johnny alone for a bit longer, the blonde had woken up, giving a comically exaggerated yawn and stretch. "What angel wakes me from my flowery bed?"

 

Despite all of the soul-crushing anxiety, Peter smiled; Johnny could make him smile in the worst situations. He was forever grateful to the other man for that talent.

 

"Good quote, I love The Tempest."

 

Johnny tossed the wadded-up bunch of sheets he was using as a pillow in Peter's direction "you're an ass, where are we right now?"

 

Peter shrugged, which made his friend quirk an eyebrow, "I think we're in Jersey? I haven't stepped on any used syringes or seen any oompa loompa spray tans though."

 

"So let's avoid the beach then." Johnny groaned, rubbing his eyes "I'm too tired to deal with Jersey right now."

 

"Don't worry, I'm just stopping for coffee, then Johnny And Pete's excellent adventure is back on the road."

 

The blonde's grin was back in place as he jumped from the couch "Party on dudes!"

 

The gas station was not much nicer on the inside, but the smell of coffee pushed away any trepidation the two of them felt at potential food poisoning or shankings.

 

"Thank God we have a toilet in the Pussy Wagon, I don't feel like catching gonoherpasyphilaids today" Johnny whispered into Peter's ear as he choked his extra large coffee with mass amounts of sugar and hazelnut International Delight.

 

"For the last time we are not calling the Winnebago the _Pussy Wagon_ and you can't catch the dreaded drippy dick from a bathroom."

 

Peter liked his coffee light and sweet, but nowhere near as sweet as Johnny, which was basically diabetes in a cup, so he finished up and went to pay much faster than the blonde.

 

He was eyeballing the rows of candy, wondering which one had the most sugar and would help him stay awake; but his search was cut short by the jingling of the bell over the door. Someone else had entered the station, and when Peter saw the person who had, he nearly dropped his coffee cup.

 

Because holy shit.

 

The stranger stopped at the door long enough to snuff his cigarette on his boot, and walked into the room with purpose, like he owned the joint and no one could tell him what to do.

 

He pulled his headphones off and put them around his neck, and the [music ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XDjbg-WDimc)he had been listening to spilled out, barely audible but Peter could catch some of it. Whatever it was, there was a heavy beat and a lot of guitars.

 

Despite his swagger and his seemingly "I don't fucking care" aura, he didn't feel dangerous. He just looked like a street punk, and his torn, dirty [clothes ](http://www.polyvore.com/cgi/set?id=214712073)only accentuated that persona.

 

Peter struggled to gawk without seeming too obvious. The stranger had gone to the coffee station where Peter had just been, and Peter could only see his broad back. He hadn't gotten a good look at his face, but what he had seen, he liked _immensely_.

 

Johnny had drifted away, towards the racks of magazines, and Peter immediately walked over and battered his friend's arm.

 

"Ow, what the fuck Parker?" Peter grabbed his chin and forced his friend's head in the direction of the stranger that had been the object of his attention. Thankfully he was still standing there and Peter had time to formulate an attack strategy.

 

"Oh" realization dawned on Johnny's face, a lascivious grin spreading widely "Ohhh Petey likey?" He giggled and made a rather inappropriate gesture with his pelvis. Peter wondered in that moment why he didn't make new friends.

 

"Shh! Idiot, I don't want him to hear" The brunette dragged Johnny closer, back over to the candy where Peter struggled to get a good look at him.

 

Johnny, being the brash little knucklehead that he was, walked right up to where the man stood and began fixing a coffee (despite him still holding his fresh made cup.)

 

"Ohh Peterrr" He sing-songed, making Peter once again wonder why he didn't get new friends after graduation "does this taste alright snookums?"

 

"I'm gonna kill him" Peter mumbled, deciding that he would leave Johnny in New Jersey to fend for himself.

 

Once he got over there, he wasted no time in glancing over serendipitously, taking in as much as he dared without offending the stranger.

 

He had an amazing profile, from the slope of his pert nose to his lips, the bottom one pouty and threaded with a silver ring. He had another ring through his septum and his ears were pierced straight up through the cartilage.

 

He was covered in scars, from the back of his large, long-fingered hands to his sweet, pretty face. He had a patch of scalp that was so scarred hair would never grow, but the way he [styled](http://media.tumblr.com/tumblr_lpyea3yrpL1qep385.jpg) it, blue and spiky, framed his face nicely.

 

The scars were an afterthought, because when Johnny coughed, pointing to the powdered non-dairy creamer that nobody in the history of existence had ever used, and asked him to "please pass that to me? Thanks!" He turned, and Peter got to see the stranger's best feature.

 

He had heard the term "doe eyes" quite often, but had never met anyone to whom it was an apt description. This guy _definitely_ had them. Large and brown as honey, framed by shadows and rubbed away liner. He looked like he hadn't slept well in years. Peter could relate. 

 

It was an effort not to drool.

 

"Here ya' go" The stranger had an interesting voice, scratchy and raw like chainsaw revving "y'know there's one like right next to you right?"

 

Johnny coughed, jabbing Peter in the ribs, struggling to get Peter to talk. "Umm, yeah, but that one is better" he had never sounded this stupid in his life, but luckily the blue-haired man just smiled at him. It wasn't unkind, and as rough as he appeared, there was a sort of gentleness to him that made Peter's stomach flip.

 

"Oh really?" He leaned on the counter, taking a sip of his own drink with a raised eyebrow. "And why was that one better?"

 

Johnny opened his mouth, he was far more experienced with flirting and often served as Peter's self-appointed wingman, yet Peter blurted out before Johnny could speak "it was better because...because I got to...Look into your...eyes? When you handed it to me?"

 

Peter swore he could hear time grind to a standstill. Even the flies hovering around the windows stopped buzzing.

 

What did that even mean? He was supposed to be smart right? Why couldn't he string together basic sentences around someone he thought was hot?

 

It didn't help that Johnny was struggling to hold in his laughter, finding this mortifying situation way funnier than he probably should.

 

The stranger cocked his head to the side, as if he were piecing something together in his mind. He didn't seem offended, just mildly confused by Peter. At least he wasn't laughing at him, at least not to his face.

 

"Right, well I'm gonna go" He slipped his headphones back over his ears, throwing up a peace sign as he walked away. "¡Hasta luego!" He pulled a small wad of bills out of his boot and tossed the money on the counter. And with a jingle of the bell above the door, he was gone.

 

The two men stood in silence, Johnny had managed to stop his sniggering, at least for now.

 

Peter hadn't felt so humiliated since high school, and it wasn't a feeling he was eager to revisit.

 

" **Okay**...So...That was..."

 

The brunette clamped his hand over Johnny's mouth, the glare burnt onto his features making him immediately shut up.

 

"We are never to speak of this, _**ever**_ " Peter growled as Johnny began snickering again. "No, I don't know what I meant, yes I know I looked stupid, and yes I am going to think about this until I die, which will hopefully be soon."

 

He released the blonde's mouth with a groan, using his free hand to massage the bridge of his nose. "I blew that harder than Lexi Belle on payday didn't I?"

 

Johnny put a reassuring arm around his friend's shoulders "well, at least you'll never see him again, that will make the whole repression thing easier."

 

Peter wanted to agree, but with the way his life seemed to play out, he would probably be forced to see him at least six more times before he was lucky enough to leave Jersey.

 

He did have that "Parker Luck" after all.

**Author's Note:**

> Well hey there!
> 
> So I know this is pretty different than any stories I've written so far, I usually don't write humor because I honestly think I suck at writing it. But here we are! I started writing this awhile ago and didn't think it was good enough to upload, but I decided "eh fuck it" and decided to see what you thought. I hope you enjoy!
> 
> Don't worry! I'm not abandoning "Swim" I still just need a bit more time. The hiatus is almost over so sit tight. 
> 
> Also if you want to join the Punk!Wade fanclub submit your form to my tumblr plz, I have another member but we need moar! Punk!Wade is going to become a thing damnit, I want it to happen.


End file.
